Saturday, October 11, 2014


I lost a dear, longstanding, and wonderful best friend this week.
I began to really wonder if the tears would ever stop falling....
I would be in a deep sleep and wake with tears...
I would be in the middle of something and they would fall again.
Grief is a strange thing.

my friend was one of those true friends... 
you know that type of person who no matter how far apart you were... 
nothing changed.
our lives were weaved together (actually, knit together... because she taught me to knit)
our lives were knit together over 15 years ago.
She was beside me in so many life changes.
oh how I loved her.
I loved her ability to always think ahead.
I loved how she always knew the right answer ( we won may board games that way!)
I loved how she laughed at all the stupid things.
I loved how she always knew what was needed.
She was a treasured friend who always thought of others, no matter what.
She knew how to throw a party.
She knew how to reach anyone.
oh, man... she knew how to cook!  
She gave the best hugs!!!

You will always be near me,
and I will always remember you.
You were gone to soon,
and your story was beautifully made.
May I always share your spark, your heart, your being, to those around me.
I was honored to witness your marriage.  I was blessed to see your babies.  
I will always be grateful to have called you  my best friend.
11.13.80  - 10.6.14

Thursday, September 25, 2014

One of the ways we said goodbye

When school ended, in June, we had about 6 weeks before we moved.  I got an idea that would help make the transition from Oregon to California memorable.  Not to mention, this idea kept the boys busy over the summertime.  We sat down together and talked about what were some things we would want to do to remember Oregon.... We called it our GOODBYE PORTLAND BUCKET LIST.

This is what we came up with

We were able to do all but three of the listed activities and the memories that we had were worth every moment.  This list was able to give me something to look forward to while I was being swallowed up by boxes and packing tape... It had me stop the madness of go,go,go and allowed me to just be,be, be.  My boys loved it, every moment of it.  Here are some photos of our times well spent.

Seaside, OR


SlappyCakes with Abbie and Emily

Wunderland Nickle Arcade
Bliss Cupcakes
Sleepover in Ruby
Captain Craig's ( Lake Washington)
Berry picking with Peri and Rya
Forestry Center
Wings and Waves
 This list helped my boys say goodbye to all their favorite places ( and with some favorite friends), and allowed them to experience some new places before we moved.... It was bittersweet ( I may have cried a couple of times) but a beautiful experience. A perfect way to end a chapter of our lives.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014


today.... I am feeling slower than usual.
not slow... like tired slow.
not slow.... like bored slow.
but, slow.  like reflective slow.

Sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee slow....
making a lunch with cheese, figs and crackers slow....
wearing my hair down,
wearing the comfy pants,
and just thinking slow.

Not the thinking hard....
but the WONDER kind of thinking.
and I feel

Today is already a great day.

a photo from two days ago.... just relaxing.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Coco Powder

today's great story brought to you from my most recent FACEBOOK post.

I love walking with B to school.... we have the most curious conversations. Today's topic~ Living in Coco Powder.
"mom, when we go camping we should go to a beach made of coco powder... then I will shrink down tiny and play in it, and smell super good, and sneeze all the time. And then someone will make gluten free brownies out of me and I will taste delicious as I slide down to your belly like a water slide" ( said as if it were one sentence).
1. Is this even a thought that has ever crossed anyone's mind before?
2. Always bring a water slide into the conversation.
3. Coco powder?
4. I have no idea what your dreams are like, but if I could just be in your mind for one of them... it would be the best night ever!
I told you, we have the most curious conversations.

I dont ever want to scare him into thinking he is different.... or stifle his creativity... quiet him into a corner... or command that he needs to put my ideas of what should be into his everyday.

A child with autism thinks differently, sees everything differently, feels differently.... making them unique in so many ways.  I find great joy in how he lives life.... yes it is recklessly, wholeheartedly, and sometimes not proper or polite.  Yes it is loud, it is dramatic, it is unpredictable..... One of the things I value the most is how he does see life.... and how great it can be.

I am not saying "dont parent your autistic child, but what I am saying is reach deeper into your little guy and revel in his moments, enjoy them, and see them the way he sees them.  Yes, we do ALL SORTS of therapy. ALL SORTS of doctors and treatments.... but I have to say......The more I spend in moments with him, like truly WITH him.... The more I understand.  
Fortunately, it is me that changes... not him.
And I am so so SO much better for it.